There just isn’t enough time in the day to do all i want to do. Maybe it’s just that i don’t have enough energy, for whatever reason. Perhaps i am simply incapable of focusing my energy effectively over the course of a day, or even an hour. Whatever the case i have let four days slide without posting.
I am being too hard on myself, but i feel trapped by my own habits and it is suffocating. Is it pride that makes me think that i could be doing so much more? I have great girlfriend, good job, wonderful church and aspirations for the future on all fronts. Life is good, but… whether it is in relationships, work or ministry, i consistently feel like i am halfassing my way through life and not giving my best to all that has been put into my care. I can’t even stay on task for three days!
I’m just blowing off steam here, don’t mind me.
My friend and mentor Rusty, called me from Florida on Wednesday evening. It was good to here from him.
He went through a rough patch starting a few years back and really had a hell of a time with it. He lost a lot and it was mostly his own doing, i think he’d say the same. The world got a hold of him and man some of the conversations that we would have just pained me inside, i hurt so much for him.
This conversation was different though, he sounded like he was in love with God again. The passion in his voice reminded me of the good old days back when we were running together in Jacksonville. It is just so encouraging to see Rusty on the rebound.
Rusty identifies with King David, or so he was telling me during our conversation and i can really see that but i will always identify him with the Apostle Paul. Paul never was able to do anything halfway, whether it was trying to destroy Christianity and becoming one of it’s greatest adherents, Paul did whatever he did with great passion just like Rusty. It makes me smile just thinking of it. Rusty is a world changer and with his face towards God, basking in the light of Jesus, God will use him to change peoples lives.
Makes me wonder why we are friends sometimes, he doesn’t halfass anything and i’m the king of it. You would think that we would get on each others nerves but that has never been the case. Go figure.